If you’re a fan of high-octane comedy and unforgettable one-liners, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby delivers gold at every turn.
If you’re revisiting this cult classic or looking for the best zingers to quote with friends, you’ve come to the right place.
This post is your ultimate collection of Talladega Nights quotes—from Ricky Bobby’s hilarious confidence to Cal’s clueless charm and Jean Girard’s dramatic flair.
Get ready to laugh, reminisce, and maybe even feel a little inspired. Let’s rev our quote engines!
Best Talladega Nights Quotes
🔥 These are the most iconic lines from the movie that fans quote again and again:
- 🏁 If you ain’t first, you’re last
- 🚗 I wanna go fast
- 🧀 I’m all jacked up on Mountain Dew
- 🙌 Shake and bake!
- 🤝 Help me Jesus! Help me Tom Cruise!
- 👶 I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-shirt
- 🐔 I’m not sure what to do with my hands
- 💥 We go together like cocaine and waffles
- 🐃 You can’t have two number ones
- 🦅 I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence
- 🪑 This sticker is dangerous and inconvenient, but I do love Fig Newtons
- 👀 That just happened!
- 🧠 You gotta cross over the anger bridge and come back to the friendship shore
- 🎯 I play for keeps
- 🍽 I like the baby Jesus the best
Funny Talladega Nights Quotes
😂 These quotes are guaranteed to crack you up every time:
- 🧁 I threw a bunch of Grandpa Chip’s war medals off the bridge
- 🐄 You taste of America
- 👶 Dear Lord baby Jesus, lying there in your ghost manger
- 🐎 You sound like a dog with peanut butter on the roof of your mouth
- 🐖 It’s the beard, man. It’s evil
- 🛐 I’m going to scissor-kick you in the back of the head
- 📞 We named him Walker Texas Ranger
- 🥄 I’m gonna come at you like a spider monkey
- 🎤 I’m Ricky Bobby. If you don’t chew Big Red, then f*** you
- 🥓 I’m gonna be all over you like a spider monkey
- 💨 I can feel it down in my plums
- 🚫 I wet my bed until I was nineteen
- 🐓 You’re not gonna live forever
- 🧃 I threw your war medals off the bridge!
- 🧍 I hope you have sons, beautiful, athletic sons
Talladega Nights Quotes Funny
🤣 A special collection of the funniest lines from the entire movie:
- 🐒 I’m a winner, and I’m not gonna lose
- 🎅 I like to picture Jesus as a ninja fighting off evil samurai
- 🏇 I got a cougar in the car
- 🧑🍼 You don’t drive with the fear, you drive with the feeling
- 🕺 I’m still drunk from last night
- 🤼 I’m the best there is, plain and simple
- 🧼 I’m gonna come at you like a hurricane of fists
- 👔 He’s in a coma, but he’s smiling
- 🐢 I’m not sure what just happened
- 🧠 That makes no sense, but okay
- 🍔 Pass the gravy, Grandma
- 🪵 We go together like peanut butter and ladies
- 🧊 That is a cold, hard truth
- 🤷 I’m not good at what I do, I’m the best
- 🤖 You’re paralyzed from the neck down, but you’re still beautiful
Will Ferrell Talladega Nights Quotes
🎬 Classic Will Ferrell quotes that made Ricky Bobby unforgettable:
- 🏁 I wanna go fast
- 🍼 I like the baby Jesus the best
- 🧀 I’m all jacked up on Mountain Dew
- 🧤 Don’t you put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby
- 🚗 I’m going fast again!
- 😇 Help me Jesus, help me Jewish God
- 🧸 I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence
- 🏆 I’m a winner. That’s what I do
- 🧃 I’m just a big, hairy, American winning machine
- 🐅 I had a dream I was a NASCAR driver
- 🐓 Shake and bake, baby!
- 🧍 I don’t know what to do with my hands
- 📺 I wanna ride you like a rented mule
- 🍖 There’s nothing more American than slapping a foreigner
- 🔥 Did that blow your mind? Because that just happened!
Talladega Nights Quotes Inspirational
💡 Believe it or not, the movie offers some surprisingly motivating lines:
- 🏆 I’m a winner. That’s what I do
- 💭 You’ve got to cross over the anger bridge and come back to the friendship shore
- 💪 Don’t let fear control you
- 🚀 You gotta drive with your heart
- 💬 Speak from the soul, not the script
- 🌅 Every day is raceday
- 🎯 Stay focused, stay hungry
- 🔥 That just happened—believe it
- 🛣 If you ain’t first, you’re last
- 🐆 Run like the wind
- 📈 You’re either climbing or falling
- 🧠 The mind controls the engine
- 👣 Step into greatness
- 🎖 You don’t get what you wish for, you get what you work for
- ✨ Be the driver of your destiny
Cal Talladega Nights Quotes
😄 Cal’s lovable and silly quotes that made us laugh:
- 🐒 I’m gonna come at you like a spider monkey
- 🛐 I like to think of Jesus with giant eagle wings
- 🥓 I say we get drunk because I’m all jacked up on Mountain Dew
- 🧁 Shake and bake
- 🧀 You can be second place
- 🏄 I like the idea of winning and being best friends
- 🧠 I got ideas too
- 🐴 Let’s ride that unicorn into the sunset
- 🎮 I wanna play video games
- 💡 I got your back, Ricky
- 👶 Baby Jesus for the win
- 🎲 Let’s go all in
- 🍗 I love chicken
- 🍻 Let’s toast to friendship
- 🎉 Woo! I’m your number two!
Jean Girard Talladega Nights Quotes
🇫🇷 The classy, dramatic, and hilarious rival—Jean Girard’s unforgettable quotes:
- 🥐 I will let you go, Ricky, but first you must say, “I love crepes”
- 🐌 I am a Frenchman
- 🥖 Do you know what it is to be defeated by a Frenchman?
- 🧼 I am full of grace
- 🧘 I am here to defeat you
- 🏁 You must tame your inner fear
- 🍷 You embarrass yourself
- 🐓 The cock crows for your end
- 🍽 You don’t even like crepes?
- 🧠 Your American bravado is amusing
- 🪞 I am the mirror of your failure
- 🛐 I am a man of philosophy
- 🏆 Let us race with honor
- 🥂 I toast to your defeat
- 🧘 I race not just with speed but with purpose
Famous Talladega Nights Quotes
🌟 These are the most quoted lines from the movie—pure gold for any fan:
- 🏁 If you ain’t first, you’re last
- 🤝 Shake and bake!
- 🧀 I’m all jacked up on Mountain Dew
- 🍼 I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-shirt
- 👀 That just happened!
- 🚗 I wanna go fast
- 🧊 You’re paralyzed from the neck down
- 🧠 You gotta cross the anger bridge
- 🐓 I’m gonna come at you like a spider monkey
- 🍽 I love crepes
- 🎯 I’m a winner
- 🐅 I’m a big hairy American winning machine
- 📺 Don’t you put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby
- 🪑 I love Fig Newtons
- 🔥 You just got passed by a girl!
Conclusion
Talladega Nights is more than just a comedy—it’s a quote machine filled with wit, satire, and unexpected inspiration.
From Ricky Bobby’s ridiculous confidence to Jean Girard’s elegance and Cal’s goofball charm, these quotes remind us why the movie is endlessly quotable.
Whether you’re looking for a laugh or a surprising bit of motivation, these lines deliver every time.
So next time life throws you a curve, just remember: If you ain’t first, you’re last!
